My Son Resembles Achilles

...and that's not even the crazy part. This is a record of my experience with a Ms. Brooke Bainbridge. Things started with one email and eventually escalated to defamation and police intervention. A tenuous line is walked here between laugh-out-loud hilarity (we were evidently married on Jupiter) and a kind of scary, sober sadness. I bolded some of the more...interesting bits, and put own comments in italicized brackets. The first email was sent this past June to my joshua@simplydance.us address, and was then forwarded straight to my personal email. Oh, I should probably say this beforehand: I had no idea who this girl was, and certainly never...well, you'll see.

Joshua,

Hello. During the Spring semester of 2008 I believe we sat together at Grove City College. 

I recently found your name and information over the internet.

After 2008, in approximately 2010, I mailed the current professor a letter about your person, although then I did not find necessary a reply. I thought your education in English. I recently found your major to be either Dance or Entreprenuership and that you received a talent award for piano in 2008 [also scarily true...who is this?]. I remember your psychology resembling that of a fine pianist. I looked up a video of you on YouTube and saw you playing the piano. You are very talented. I resemble you in features, I have red hair and brown eyes. You were quite attractive. You had, I believe, the same features in a masculine persona, auburn hair and brown eyes. I believe the professor called you "Jason" I forget a surname. You were quite forward. You took detailed notes by hand, you did not have a computer with you, like some of the other students. [she definitely doesn't know me. I never took notes by hand in class]

I regret if you have a girlfriend, or quite possibly, a wife. I recently saw you pictured with a woman -- she resembles me, however, that may not have been you. I am recently pregnant and think the baby may be yours. His disposition seems to resemble yours, even while I am pregnant I can sense his person. He seems to have your features and your intelligence. I don't know if you can sense your body the father of the baby as well. I recently became pregnant with him in March of 2012, approximately on the 15th of March. I don't know if I could have become artifically inseminated with the baby or if we conceived him together around that date. [...I had to read this twice out loud to understand it.]

I do respect your reputation, and I'm sorry if this letter has disturbed you. You were quite brilliant in class, and had gifted comments. I have roughly your same intelligence quotient. or I.Q. Sorry for disturbing your work. I would greatly appreciate an e-mail. You may e-mail this student account. I am no longer a student here, although I can receive e-mails from this account. I plan on researching this further.

Brooke

Immediately I wrote this off as a strange scam: someone did a basic google search for me, found my college, then claimed to be pregnant with my baby (which, by the way, is not possible). So just to check, I did a quick search of my college database and found no students by her name. Then I of course forwarded the email to a few friends and laughed about everything, assuming it was over. I'm a father, and the baby hasn't been born yet but "his disposition" resembles me? Riiight. But it wasn't over, and things just got...stranger.

06/8 /12

Joshua,

I believe I sat with you at Gove City College in the Spring semsester of 2008. You did not have a wife then. I recently found the name of a woman over the internet, a Lindsey whom some sources identify as your wife [no idea who that is]. In other places she seems to be identified as a cousin or sister. I'm sorry, I don't mean to disturb your marriage. I think she may be one of my persons. [...what? "Persons?"]

I only have a 24-hour day and live in Alexandria, Virginia with my family. Robert, Sandra and Brittany. The two women with me are sometimes my persons although I only have one conscious mind. I'm not married, I dated two men in the past, however they were not close to me. 

You were quite intelligent. I'm trying to help your reputation at college by logical incentives. I think I may be in one of your sections, or a section reserved for you. If you change your appearace, I believe I may see you here outside. I'm quite poor, if I had the financial resources I would most likely visit you. The matter is more urgent than it seems. I really do believe I may be pregnant with your child.

I attended Treasure Valley Community College from 2006-09, I only visited Grove City College in approximately March, April, or May of 2008. Brittany was there with me and sat on my left hand side. Your friend too, possibly a [edited out. She names a good friend of mine here, which was scary], whom I identified by the internet may have sat behind me. Some friends of yours seem to be here with me now, yet I can't see them. Other persons seem to be here with me although I cannot see them, they converse with me. [this is bad.]

You lusted after me quite strongly at the college, this is unnatural for a man to do [is it now?]. Most men with me are quite controlled. You seem to change your appearace quite often, you resembled Achilles [I get that all the time]. You now resemble a different man. I have brown hair and brown eyes, yet my hair is auburn red, it is some color like, cinna, or a deep orange auburn, it is not the same hue as yours, but even allowing for the fact that we may have the same color of hair may have made us too intimate for our setting.

I really do want you to come pick me up, and I am trying to persuade you to do that. I'm sorry for being so frank with you. I was artificially inseminated with your baby in March of 2012. He seems to resemble you, he seems to have a body like Achilles and auburn hair. He possesses a knowledge of the Greek literature and the arts already. He is a genius and is quite kind. I do think this is a more intimate pregnancy than usual.

I will raise the child as best I can, yet my circumstances are so poor I am worried he will die here. He does love you quite well already. The pregnancy has not been identified by doctors although I am almost certain I'm pregnant, so much so that it would not embarass me if I weren't.

You were quite talented at the recital in 2008. I was unable to hear it, the volume is muted on my computer [hit the unmute button...]. The songs and the order you played them in seemed to correspond to the events of April 2008 and to our meeting there. I am more intelligent than my other persons, whose intelligence I am not conscious of. I access a computer in the residency lounge of an apartment complex, I cannot get on our internet at home.

I do plan on contacting the Dean of Students at Grove City, some professors and eventually the police to determine whose son this is. Again, I don't mean to disturb a marriage. The government may recognize our relationship as more intimate than your current marriage, and your current marriage may involve another person of mine as well. I have a disposition similar to the woman whom you were dancing with in the scene similar to A Streetcar Named Desire. You write well, I seem to remember that you were a writer. It was more significant, I believe, than just two persons who sat together at college. I wore magenta green, khaki shorts, and nylons and heels. I didn't mean to satirize your features. You were very handsome.

This is the same person corresponding with you as before, in a previous letter. I only have a 24 hour day, this is a second e-mail or correspondence. I have not had intercourse before tangibly. This is difficult for me especially to bear a child without any remembrance of intercourse. I lusted after different men at college and they lusted after me in my mind, as if by picture, we did not physically engage in intercourse.

My name was Brooke then, and I lived with the same family. I do plan on informing you about more events in my life.

Brooke

There's so much in there I didn't know what to do. Multiple persons? "Only" a 24-hour day? My in-utero baby is a genius that knows Greek lit and the arts? You can see why I just started laughing - everything was so bizarre. Yet...there was still just enough lucidity and truth there to stick. How did she find my friend's name? Why did she provide such a precise name for the college she attended? I don't know. Again, some friends and I laughed it over, hypothesized about internet scams, then forgot about it. Only another email was sent that night.

Joshua,  

 I don't know if you can receive e-mails at this account. I am e-mailing some professors at Grove City College where you may have graduated this summer. I don't mean to disturb you, I may send you the CC, correspondence, of these emails. I'm sorry if this has disturbed your personal affairs.

I am pregnant with a three month old baby and am unmarried. I don't know if you are receiving these e-mails or not. I'm sorry to disturb you at home or work. I've e-mailed a gentlman in the office of student affairs. I hope he will respond to me.

I think you may have changed bodies or clothes in class with me. A blue polo, a green plaid shirt, and then a white athletic shirt. I'm 24 years old, I think you were at the same time as well nineteen years old. The child has your disposition. That may have been a different man. A man like the current student [she mentioned my friend's name again here], seemed to sit in back of me, and then you came in and sat next to me. This may not have been you. Because of this action, I believe, the governent artifically inseminated me with your child and we are now married, on Jupiter, or on the other legal offices of another government. I love the boy and will raise him as best I can and as my own son. He misses you very much, you seem quite dear to him. I don't mean to flirt too much with your friend, however I'm attaching my reputation to his in an effort of procuring my own. I don't mean to offend you by the letters I write your faculty. You may write to me back as your wife if you like. As I believe, the government has married us and we are inculpable.

I will seek different action, perhaps eventually finding another husband elsewhere in an effort to raise your son as best I can, I hope you see this as a temporary marriage not an extended one, I would like the baby to see his real father.

I thought of you as Jason after that. You resembled the pianist, Joshua, or similar identified on YouTube [ah, so she'd found my youtube channel], so much so that I thought it necessary to contact you. I tried calling your house this afternoon; you don't need to return the call. I do want you to be informed of the baby.

I'm not trying to hurt your family, I believe they may be my own family, Robert, Sandra, and Brittany, who may be Linda and Marie, I'm sorry but Jeremy may be in the dog, whom I am quite affectionate towards. They may change their bodies in my family. I'm sorry if I've disturbed you.

Brooke

[here she listed her number, which I of course didn't call]

It is a private number, I'll try to call you back if I miss the call.

Neither Sandra nor Brittany work and the dog rarely goes on walks with me. [what?]

And now things ramped up, because...she actually called. At this time I was working as a camp counselor at a fantastic place on the Chespeake Bay, and one day the camp secretary pulled me aside at dinner. She explained that I'd received not one but two very fishy-sounding phone calls from a "Brooke" asking to talk to me - did I know her? So I described the emails, and we both resolved that this had long passed the "weird email" point and required action. Scammy emails are one thing; actually calling a workplace is another. It's a question I still can't answer: as I didn't post about the camp anywhere online, how did Brooke find the camp phone number? Upon inspection, caller ID matched the phone number Brooke provided in her email - adding yet another element of creepy truth to her emails. So with witnesses present, I took a deep breath and dialed Brooke's number on the camp phone. No answer. But there was voicemail, to which I left a rather stern message asking her to stop.

A last email came a few days later:

Hi Josh,

I have a child, it may be your son. His birthdate will be in December. Will you please e-mail me back? You can just delete these e-mails. I don't mean to bother you. You may not receive e-mail from a student account, which I used earlier.

Brooke

[here she listed her personal phone number and address.]

Such a short email! She's probably giving up, right? Wrong. As I found out later, Brooke was just spending her time elsewhere. A few weeks later my college's dean of students - a good friend of mine - left me a message about "strange emails". I called him back, and discovered that Brooke had repeatedly emailed him and several of my college professors about my status as the father of her child. That stunned me. While the dean noted that my professors had deleted most of the emails due to the nonsensical content, he strongly recommended some kind of action and forwarded the remaining messages to me. I'll copy a few of them here.

From: [edited]

Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2012 9:33 AM

To: [edited].

Subject: ***March or April 2008, Jason -- Possible related Pregnancy

Dr. ____:

 I saw a student in the Spring semester of 2008, I believe whose name was identified as Jason. I sat with him in a

class on Romantic Poets. I have since become pregnant with a child this March, he will be born in December.

I dated two men since 2008, a Jason Fisk and a David Rand. However, the baby does not seem to have either Rand or Fisk's features, he seems to have Jason's features. I don't know how to contact him. I live in Alexandria, VA with my family; then, I lived in Payette.

Brooke 

Another of the emails was almost a copy+paste of the first email I received:

Mr. ____:

 I met with one of your students, GCC, in the spring semester of 2008, whose name was then I believe identified as Jason. I found a similar man over the internet and identified him as Joshua, a pianist, writer, and dance instructor. I think I may be pregnant with his child. However, I cannot remember our wedding night. However, the surrounding circumstances and the person himself seem to identify him as Joshua's son. I live in Alexandria, Virginia with my family now and it is possible I was artificially inseminated with his male child, whom I seem to be carrying now. The date was around March 15 of this year. I really don't know what else to do except try to contact Joshua, his family, or the school in hopes he might provide for the baby and raise the child as his own son. The school may be able to identify that he is the father of a child right now. I'm sorry for the disturbance this may have caused. I believe he is a senior majoring in Entrepreneurship. He then seemed to be an English major. I was in a class, Romantic Poets, and the lecture was on Percy Shelley. I don't remember my friend's name, except that he was tall, had red hair, or auburn, and maybe green eyes. He seems to have brown hair when identified over the internet and it is possible that his hair color changes in the light. He is very pleasing, has an affectuous disposition, and is quite a gentleman. I do realize how this may have injured his reputation.

Brooke

There were several other emails like this, but with my professors' personal comments added as they gradually realized that this was not a scam. To summarize: the professors all notified the dean of students about these emails, who in turn politely emailed Brooke. She asked if she could discuss details about me with the dean, who countered with the offer of a phone conversation. Of course, Brooke ran away from that and asked again for information on me...but through email. The dean refused, and called me. 

I was torn. The girl had not only emailed but attempted to call me at both my workplace and college. In the process, she'd informed not only past professors but also my current boss and fellow employees of an imaginary illegitimate child. So finally, at the insistence of my friends and with hard copies of the emails in hand, I drove to the Massachusetts State Police station (which happened to be an easy ten-minute drive camp). 

It looked like this. I was slightly intimidated.

As I walked in, an odd fear fell about me. But it wasn't a bad fear; it was like standing next to a very powerful gun - you're very glad it's pointed at criminals, but are still slightly terrified at the idea of it being pointed at you. So with that in my head, I approached the officer at the desk, who was rather gruff at first. I mean, what was he supposed to do with my terrific opening line: "Hello sir - uh -officer...I'm having girl problems." But after he took a minute to read the printed emails, his face took on a serious look, and he started typing furiously at the computer. In seconds, he had Brooke's address and phone number, which was scary. But the scarier part was that almost everything Brooke told me about herself - address, college, etc - was true. Except my being the father of her child of course. As I related the rest of the story to him, the officer nodded and affirmed the seriousness of the situation - forget the emails, this girl had called both my workplace and my college trying to get information on me. The officer also noted that her accusations against me could potentially amount to defamation of character, and that legal action would be justified if...Brooke emailed again asking specifically for money. But as she hadn't done that, little could be done. Fortunately, the (now very kind) officer didn't want to leave it there - he gave Brooke a call from the station phone, and when she didn't answer, he left a very serious "this is Maryland Police Department. Stop or we will be forced to take action" message.

I thanked him, left, and never heard from Ms. Bainbridge ever again. Many have heard this story and given a variety of explanations - from simple targeted spam to legitimate stalking. But there was one answer  that made the most sense to me - this is a very real and very confused girl. Her emails revealed three key facts: that she's schizophrenic, has very limited internet/phone access, and a rather loose grip on reality. Perhaps she's in a special home, or even prison. But for someone to go to the lengths she did and say what she did, I can only assume sincerity. And if she's sincere...I feel an awful, awful ache for the chaos of her mind.

I pray for her.