How Dance Changed the World

This was a formal paper written for a Modern Civilization class during the latter half of college. We were free to choose our topics - so on a whim I of course said "I wanna write about dance", which mutated into "dance caused WWI" which solidified into "the political impact of dance in history." And when the papers were handed back, this one had a happy "A+" scrawled across the top (that paper was 40% of the class grade too). Of course I'd just stayed up absurdly late the night before and cranked the paper out with almost no editing. My guess is that the professor loved the topic, read the first few paragraphs and slapped the grade on there. I'll take it. Reading this now, the paper should've been reorganized and better applied to politics - but hey, an A+ is an A+. 

I bolded a few cool facts and threw in some pictures to keep things interesting. 

How do you define dancing? Maybe with whirling bodies, graceful flourishes, impressive routines – but these are only pieces of dance. Exercise, competition, fun, romance – these are reasons to dance. But what is dance? Certainly, dance is a form of self-expression, taking what you hear and moving your body to it. Phrased better: dance is the synthesis of musicality, physicality, and personality. More importantly, dance is a relationship – between music and dancer, performer and audience, lead and follow. Inexorably intertwined with emotion, once these relationships are taught and replicated on a large scale, dance begins to reflect the emotions and passions of society. As such, it should be no surprise that dance historically reached into politics. Notably, in 18th-19th century Europe, dance embodied the transformative spirit of the era, generated remarkable social and political sway, and profoundly impacted the ideas, passions, and emotions of the era. 

How to Trick Men into Dancing With You

While written about dancing, this article applies to relationships as a whole. Taken from my simplydance.us blog, written May 5th, 2011.

There aren't enough real men in the world, no news there. Just take the dance clubs — the few guys brave enough to go are either dancing with someone else, obsessively checking basketball scores on their smartphone, or gay. I apologize on behalf of my sex — if guys would quit leading girls on, say what they think and man up, things would be better. But that’s another topic, and we’re not here to whine about other people’s problems. Instead, with a little bit of male psychology, we’re going to get those guys lining up to dance with you.

1. Be Nice

This really can’t be said enough, whether in dance or life. Now I’ll assume you're a decently nice person, so I’ll clarify it further – be consciously and purposefully nice throughout the night. Why? Well…

Male Psychology Fact #1: All men have a deep-seated fear of failure and inadequacy.

You need to realize something about us. When you’re dancing with a guy…he’s scared of you, scared and constantly trying to gauge your opinion of him. We’re worried that we won’t be good enough leaders, that we’ll do something wrong, that you’ll just walk away and leave us in our failure. I’ve been dancing for years, yet still have to shove thoughts like that down (particularly with new girls). The comparison never stops – if other guys are there, we assume they’re better; in private settings, we unconsciously compare ourselves to a vague ideal of the perfect lead, the perfect dancer, and the perfect man. This impulse – that tendency towards assumption of failure – runs deep in our XY chromosome. But hey, there’s no news here – everyone needs help, right?

You can single-handedly remedy this when you’re with the guy. It’s easy – smile. Most girls mistakenly think they already do; you must be aware of your concentrating expression. I can't stress this one enough. So many times I’m genuinely surprised when a girl has thanked me after a dance; from her expression I thought I’d completely ruined her night. Use a mirror; some naturally look pleasant, others look remarkably miserable – and the former will have follow-up dates, the latter will not.

Fact: a genuine smile shines a light across the floor, a light almost irresistible to guys. So not only will smiling help you look incredibly attractive, it will draw men to you. And when guys pick up on the fact that there’s a “fun” girl in the room,  she’ll have them lining up.

In short: the guy just wants to be a good leader and for the two of you to have fun. But it’s up to you to communicate any success there — before, during, and after the dance.  Guys usually start dancing because a friend drags them in; they keep dancing depending on what the girls say. As a woman, you have unique and powerful access to his “self-esteem meter;” a few words can wreck his week or inspire him forever (Male Psychology Fact 1.a: We’re actually incredibly sensitive). So smile, relax, laugh, and take a second after to make eye contact and thank him for the dance. Do this right, and you will have effectively hacked the male psyche.

2. Be Unique

You know something that doesn't make sense to guys? That whole female herding thing. If us dudes all went to the bathroom together, you’d question our sexuality. That grouping mentality doesn’t stop with bathrooms, either – girls tend to stand together in any public setting and this terrifies men. Why?

Male Psychology Fact #2: We think like predators,  and you’re the prey.

I recently read something fascinating about this:

“When a predator sees too many targets, it often chases none. Predators are drawn to attack an animal that’s distinctive in some way…[we] found that putting paint on an animal guaranteed it would always be attacked next. That was the power of difference (source).”

The application: stand in a group, be invisible. Stand out, be noticed. Guys will bypass dozens of girls just to get to the one standing slightly to the side. Of course, don’t go to clubs alone – just don’t herd (as opposed to standing near some friends). And today girls can ask guys to dance as well -  more on that at the end. Right now we’re talking about how to get men to come to you. So on that note:

First: smile, don’t stare down, and avoid grouping – this makes you approachable. Second, stand out and be confident – this makes you noticeable. And standing out doesn't mean wear a neon green dress (though wearing red will make a positive difference, lots of psychological reasons for that). Sure, dressing like you actually care about yourself is great, but nothing will help you stand out better than raw confidence. 

And confidence does not mean knowledge – it’s how you carry yourself, how comfortable you are in your own skin and how you communicate that fact when you dance. Try to never make the mistake of cutting yourself short by nervously telling the guy “I’m sorry, I'm just awful at this.” The guy will discover your skill level soon enough; you don’t need to tell him. If he’s a pro, he knows how to deal, if he's a beginner he won't notice. And no matter what, he wants the two of you to have fun. So don't ever say that again. 

So be unique. Stand out, enjoy yourself, and dance…because that’s when the real game begins.

3. Be Realistic

Unfortunately, even after you’ve done the above to utter perfection…you still might not get asked to dance. And the reason why isn’t rocket science.

Male Psychology Fact #3: We’re easily intimidated, and it’s not personal.

I’ll tell you straight up: a woman is the most intimidating thing in the world. I’ve performed in front of countless audiences and brushed death a few too many times, yet nothing scares me more than asking a pretty girl to dance. Of course, that’s not an excuse – but you do have to be realistic about it. Sure, it’s horrible sitting and watching all the other girls get asked…but that probably says more about the quality (or quantity) of the men in the room, not about who you are and your value as a human being. Remember that.

To all the over-analyzers out there: when you do get asked…it doesn't mean anything, even if it does. Yeah, dance is hugely romantic, and maybe you've got a slight crush on that last guy. Just whatever you do, don’t waste the night staring at him and hoping he’ll walk over again. It’s the confidence thing again – there isn’t much that turns a guy off faster than a needy girl. If he is both: 1. Worth your time, and 2. Actually interested, he will make contact with you again. Otherwise, forget him. Take it for what it was –  a dance, that’s all; relax, don’t expect anything, and you will be pleasantly surprised.

The key here: know who you are; keep your hopes high and expectations low.

And a final, crucial point: ladies, you can to ask guys to dance. In fact, please do. Am I saying  that men should be passive and never pursue women? Of course not. What I'm getting at is this: I would've quit dancing if some encouraging girls hadn't pulled me out of the corner and onto the floor.   There are many nights even today when I still need someone to pull me out of myself - and I'm not unique here! In this context, initiative isn't some segregated affair: dancing is just two people enjoying a fun activity together, not a committed relationship. If you're pining away for some dude on the floor - grow up and ask him for a dance. And that's not a big deal; asking isn't hunting. All asking does is create space for two people to listen and talk, to act and react. 

So be nice because we need the affirmation. Be unique because personal confidence is intensely alluring. Finally, be realistic and take initiative yourself if you so desire – keeping expectations low and hopes high. Just enjoy who you are, where you are, and have a blast dancing a night away.

Why Dancing is the Manliest Thing Ever

Taken from my Simplydance.us blog. Written May 5th, 2011.

The Haka. Look it up.

If you’re a guy, you probably don’t like to dance. Past experience has taught you that, and honestly it wasn't that long ago I thought the same. But I can tell you now with complete conviction: dancing is the manliest thing ever. Recently, I found an article on this at askmen.com. While I can’t endorse mentality the site encourages, the post makes some great points.

“At some point in the recent past in North America, dancing started being considered a non-masculine thing to do. Men in other cultures don’t even question whether they should dance or not. We’ve gotten into the bad habit of not even trying to dance. Women hate that. They grew up loving Flashdance, Dirty Dancing, Save the Last Dance, and Step Up. Love for the man who keeps the beat is inherent in women. So, it’s time to drop the attitude and refuse to be a walking American stereotype. Junior high students sit on opposite sides of the dance floor because they’re scared of the opposite sex. So, here’s why real men dance — and you want to be a real man, don’t you?

…Because It Sucks To Watch From The Sidelines

We hate to sound like a self-help book, but doing anything from the sidelines is a waste of time. Why even go to a dance club to sit and stare at people having fun? All that does is project “stranger danger” to women. Even if you’re lucky enough to not come across as creepy, women are going to think you’re boring — if they even notice you at all. Drop your inhibitions and have the chair surgically removed from your butt.

…Because It’s A Great Icebreaker

“Why is she talking to that jerk?” No doubt that question has run through your head hundreds of times. Everyone hates jerks and women can spot them better than you think. The reason she’s talking to the “Ed Hardy” is that he gave her a reason to talk to him. He broke the ice. And there is no easier icebreaker than dancing with her. You don’t even have to have a great first line.

…Because It Projects Confidence

Confidence right there.

You don’t have to be a great dancer to dance. In fact, the worse you are proves how comfortable you are in your own skin. Doing a dance move like the Running Man over and over again shows women that you don’t care what people think. (We don’t necessarily condone the Running Man — but it’s better than nothing.) Women like a man who isn’t trying to win a popularity contest. Leave that for the junior high students. Watching the Jersey Shore guys do the lame “fist-pump” on the dance floor is laughable, but the women still flock to them.

…Because It’s Fun (Seriously)

Men have been dancing for centuries to celebrate and amuse themselves. Dancing is in your DNA. If you don’t like dancing, it’s because you’re not doing it right. Take a lesson and learn to enjoy it, and enjoy the feeling of being a real man.”

(Source)

My immediate thought after reading this: ok, so then what is a “real man”? Something pretty important was left out here: how can anything be labeled the “manliest thing ever” if we don’t first define manliness? Yeah, dance is great because it projects confidence, is fun, helps you meet women, etc. That’s all stuff men can do, but frankly it’s pathetic if picking up girls is what defines us. So then what does define us; what is a man? One of the best answers I've heard to that was given by a woman:

“A man is someone who has qualities that distinguish him from a boy: responsibility, leadership and integrity.”

Patrick Swayze took the weight of responsibility rather well.

Here's my point: dance - done right - forces boys to fulfill that all three parts of that quote and become men. In initial lessons, I tell people that if anything goes wrong, it’s the man’s fault - half joking. Why? While dancing, the man has responsibility for the girl’s safety. And to keep her safe, gentle yet clear leadership must be used. From another article on this site – sure, you can walk fine on your own two feet – but can you support someone else? Can you support a girl, lead her clearly across a floor filled with other whirling couples and be ready to catch her if she falls…and do it confidently enough so that she can relax and enjoy herself?  And finally, you have to do all that with integrity - with good and honest intentions. A good dance lead isn't pushing the girl's limits and "going for something" on the dance floor. Girls  have noses like bloodhounds for stuff like that - they'll smell it a mile off and tell all their friends about it. If you objectify women as toys for pleasure, get off the floor - you're to be pitied, as you have no concept of relational fulfillment or what love means. 

What do they say in the classic wedding vows – “…to provide and protect, to honor and to cherish.”  And that is precisely what a man does in dance – takes responsibility, and leads with integrity. He provides and protects, loves and cherishes. That’s selflessness, my friends – caring for another above yourself, whether it be in life or in dance. There are few things more attractive to a woman than a guy like that. And that’s exactly what dance forces – no, enables – you to be…a man.

Like this guy.